Monday, 31 August 2009

They say I'm crazy, I really don't care...

So, what I've been avoiding for the past however many weeks needs to be finally confronted. Why am I being so insanely slow at getting things done?! The problem with me is that I live in an "all or nothing" type of world and I swing from being completely perfect to a complete mess. This was a problem that I thought I had resolved but I'm beginning to see cracks and now I'm using words like "should". I "should" have got my first year report by now, I "should" have got more work done by now and I'm kind of feeling trapped. The more I pressurising myself to do better the worse I seem to be doing and when I think I can't get any worse I do. Then, I look back to when it all started and I think to myself "oh, if only"...

There is still time, even if I get my act together next week, there will still be time but I need to make a change. Only I can do this. I can't constantly seek reassurance from others, I wish I could kind of float out of myself and look at myself and give the advice that I would give to others.

Ohhhhhhhh. I don't know. Just the thought of getting up and doing something requires far too much effort.

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